A Break, for Real

Well, I cleared out my User Page on VirtueVerse today. Definitely time for a break (I know I've said that before, but I was "meh" *before* i13). I've really been getting that feeling I was having off the game now like when I left Counter-Strike(Source, too). Just sorta fed up with all the whining on the different forums, the crap that people say and do just because the internet brings anonymity. Or maybe they are bitter people in Real Life?

I'm excited about WoW...

My boyfriend recently started playing World of Warcraft on my PC - Because his blew up about a month ago. Watching him play has made me want to play. Seeing all the characters, beasts and locations that I had previously seen only from a top-down view in the WarCraft RTS series is really exciting. He sent me a Free Trial Code so I'm going to give it a try. But I may wait until tomorrow to start a character. I feel like I should try to get to sleep before 11:30 tonight. I almost did it last night at 9:30 . Instead I ended up wrapping presents and cuddling Kody.

There I was lying face down on my bed, Kody in my arms and thought, "Sleep would be so nice right now. I'm definitely not into playing CoH or CoV - What's holding me back?" Instead I watched Jurassic Park 2 - Well, my favourite scenes - and futzed around in-game not really doing anything.

Then, I tried a Blood Elf and was actually having fun. I was having fun playing a game for the first time in awhile. Unfortunately, it was 1 AM and time for sleep.

Doing the research online in the WoWWiki has gotten me hyped. Definitely going to try a few Classes tonight and see what happens.

I think I'm a bad person...

I recently started adding old high school classmates to my fb out of an indescribable need for propriety. It's actually quite exciting to see where they are now and how others are coping with "Life."

For the most part, people seemed to have left Kingston and move don to bigger and better.

But, on thing seems pretty constant - Children. Many of my old high school classmates are married (or soon to be) and have children of their own. Although I am extremely happy for them...I realize that I have no desire for children. At all.

True, even if I wanted to have them I technically couldn't - Well I could but it would mean crossing a bridge I'd much rather not. On the other hand, I could adopt. Still, I can't have children naturally (without going "there").

And I seriously don't want any children. Maybe working with them for nearly nine years of my life has soured me? I truly abhor children en masse. A group of more than five children literally makes my skin crawl. I always used to joke that, after 8 years, most prisons let you out for good behaviour!

I'm happy with my cat and my jeep and my house and my super-smokin'-hot boyfriend. I've no desire for...Domesticity.

So, I hate...Well, not "hate." "Hate" is such a strong word. I...Dislike children (in groups of more than three). I don't like children and I've no desire nor want to settle down.

Does that make me a bad person?

Yeah, yeah.

Update(s) coming soon!

Chris Cornell rocked my world!

Okay: bri and I went to see Chris Cornell in Ottawa yesterday.

One word: Awesome.

This concert blew Nine Inch Nails outta the water! The crowd was mega hyped, the songs rocked - Cornell had us eating out of his hand, as did most of his band. Almost every song had us singing along with him and the crown sang most of Like A Stone which was pretty sweet. We were one of first people into the arena so we got right behind the gate/in front of the stage left. My left ear is still ringing.

My only complaint was that he pulled an Axl Rose and started an hour later, after the opening act. Id say the wait was worth it but if I went to see him again and he pulled that stunt I'd probably leave.

Highlights from the experience include:

* Getting lost twice on the way to Ottawa. It's a good thing my boyfriend is cute because he sucks as a Navigator. I still love him, though. :)

* A young woman behind us, probably in her early twenties, with huge breasts making eyes at the bassist and getting a response! I kept thinking, "Man, he's getting laid tonight."

* Getting my boyfriend a "precious" guitar pick by asking the huge, imposing security guard to grab one I couldn't reach. What is funny is that I had previously made fun of him for saying people would scramble for a small piece of plastic. Then I go out of my way to get him one. Meh. It made him happy. It was fun to see Bri's face when Chirs came out or when he was singing within arms reach on the bass speakers. Bri adores him, it's evident. (Sorta made me jealous.)

* Mr. Northmore singing along with every song. Almost.

All-in-all, I'd say that it was a pretty sweet concert.

This is Hunger Strike feat. Mat Joly Live in Hamilton on the 19th. The opening band sucked, but this give you an idea of the awesomeness.

Even though Brian suggested I take my time, I completed Dark Watcher's arc and received a buttload of XP for it, so, at 3 more bars to level, I hit 50 last night at 1 AM.

I wasn't too into sleep, as I had also tested the HEATs before crashing (and was excited) but I went to sleep at 1:21 AM.

I tossed and turned sleeping restlessly until 3ish...At 5:30 PM I awoke suddenly when I heard a loud crash and what sounded like shattering glass. (I had previously kicked Kody out for chewing on my feet through the comforter.) After the shatter sound I distinctly heard the scampering of little feet on my floor. Kody had climbed up onto either the window sill or the ledge in the shower and tipped over the glass bowl of flattened marbles that Mom gave me and the sea shells that Howie gave me. The bowl had shattered all across the bathroom (the only bathroom) and hallway floor! There were marbles and shards of glass everywhere! It's now 5:30 AM and I have to be up for work at 7 AM.

I thought maybe, if I left Kody locked in the basement, I could catch that last half hour. So I went back to bed, quite angry.

Within 5 minutes, Kody was scampering up and down the stairs to the basement. So, I got up and got the vacuum out. I went downstairs to throw out the largest shards of glass, Kody was hiding behind some boxes at the back of the basement looking at me with just his eyes showing. He knew he had been very bad. When I went to grab him and scold him he was very limp and just took it. As soon as I set him down he booted upstairs. Of course, I'm vacuuming and he's running around like crazy. Instead of risking something *else* breaking, I grabbed him and put him downstairs. He spit all over me and scratched me. So now I'm even more angry at him.

Finally, I get the mess cleaned up and lay back in bed, after leaving him in the basement.

I don't understand why he did it; he hates the bathroom and avoids it like the plague - Unless he's doing his "rounds." Was he just curious? Was he bored and needed something to do? Am I not entertaining him enough?

When I got up at 7 after tossing and turning for an hour, he was understandably meek. I ignored him for the whole hour I was at home and left for work with my bedroom, bathroom and study door closed; no toys left out.

I'm *still* pissed off.

We were meant to live for so much more...Have we lost ourselves?

As I was sorting the mail today I came across an envelope addressed to me but with a Commercial Door Systems address. The envelope had no return address and the writing was scribbled in extremely bad penmanship. It almost appears as if it was written by a child.

However, I knew immediately who it was from.

It's from my Grandmother.

Grandma Margie.

When I was in 1st Year at Guelph, Grandpa Ken had just sold his business and was hoping to retire to a life of leisure. He and Grandma Margie were in the process of moving across Sydenham Lake to a smaller, newly renovated home. After nearly 55 years in the same house, it was time to down-size. I went to help them move a bed, one day. It was a large bed to go in a too small room. But, Grandma Margie had her vision of how the house was laid out so it had to go in there. Dad, Jeff and I had a few suggestions as did Grandpa Ken. Grandma Margie was adamant.

A few months later, I heard from Nana that Grandpa Ken was gone. He simply left. The country.

Looking back, I can clearly see that the signs were there. My brother stayed at their house once when he was little. He came home regaling us with stories of how Grandpa Ken had a bed and TV at work in his office "in case he worked overtime." Grandma Margie used to say that "Ken sometimes comes home really late and he leaves really early in the morning." She was controlling and obsessive. It was her way or the highway.

Now, we know that he had been seeing his secretary for 20 years. When he disappeared, he moved to Florida and did some soul-searching. Upon return, he divorced Grandma Margie. I heard she received a nice settlement.

She was livid. She became a recluse and blamed everyone and everything but herself. She spoke rudely to Mom, Dad, me my brothers, Nana - Anyone who tried to help. She tried taking up hobbies like kayaking...Until she broke her leg wrestling it into the water. A year ago she had a nasty fall in the winter trying to get a Christmas Tree down from the rafters in her garage. occasionally, she sends angry letters that are meant to invoke sympathy or depressive letters asking us to visit her.

Dad tries to talk to her; of her two sons he is the only one to make the effort. But, she has weird moods and perhaps a heavy drinking problem. She dug a deep grave when Grandpa Ken left her and I think she's realizing now that she might not be able to get out.

Anyways, back to the letter.

Obviously, it's meant to be a Birthday card, although she hasn't written anything other than my birth date and her name in the card. The card came inside two envelopes. The first was addressed to my parents new apartment:

Mr. Mark Collins
220 Smugglers Rd.
Kingston, Ont.

OR

Penthouse
Ontario Str.
Kingston, Ont.

Which has been crossed out. That envelope was inside another that read:

Mr. Mark Collins
(Commercial Door - crossed out) Overhead Door Installers
639A Justus Dr.
Kingston, Ont.

I feel sorry for her. She has no idea about my coming out, Brian, my new house, my cat. And, perhaps, it's for the best.

Grandpa Ken is extremely happy with his girlfriend. When I came out to him this past Father's Day he was more than accepting. I think he's realized after 55 years of a miserable marriage that you're nothing unless you're happy. He's happy that I'm happy.

Life is weird.

Yeah, I'm still alive. Barely.

What's been happening since the last entry...?

Still leveling my Hero, currently grinding away at lvl 43. Peacebringers and Warshades are still my ultimate goal. It would be nice to have them by my birthday and hopefully before i13 is released. However, I find leveling Blueside tedious and slow; every contact you receive asks you to go back or forward three zones to do one mission and then return to them for your next mission. Redside, you enter a zone and you pretty much stay within that zone while you level. It's extremely convenient and makes the odd inter-zone mission not that bad.

Halloween was...Interesting. The costumes my boyfriend and I dressed up in worked great - He was Axel Rose and I was Slash. Most people walking to the Queer event got it without being told. One guy, a Russian dressed as a cowboy, knew right off the bat. I won't touch the Russian dressed like a cowboy cliche... Unfortunately, most people at the Queer event did not get the costumes. Completely lost on most of them; I was told I looked like a Ramone or Howard Stern. Bri and I arrived at around 11 PM and left at 11:45. The party seemed empty and the music wasn't very dancing conducive. We completely missed most of my our friends which was sad. Apparently, they were there - We just didn't see them.

Walking home, we decided to try and be a little more active in the community. Just hanging out with each other is fun, but seeing and interacting with others is fun, too. And I admit, I miss Bryan&Ryan and Howie&Neil quite a bit. I miss the "good old times." That's another reason why I'm excited for my birthday...

Originally I was going to have dinner at Panda Garden Buffet and then move downtown to Tango's for some martini's (because I love martini's and it's been a year or so since I had one). However, Tango's isn't cheap. Instead, dinner will be at Panda Garden and then drinks at my house. Most of the people I invited can't make it due to distance and/or other plans. Just inviting them and letting them know they are completely welcome is enough. A few will be able to make it which is awesome! Can't wait to see Bry&Ry again!

Also: Showing off my house. ;)

And then there's work. Sigh - Work. The door industry is crazy right now with builders, contractors and homeowners scrambling to get their openings closed for winter. Many people don't realize that this is a busy time of year and essentially expect us to grab garage doors out of our ass or something. usually by 9 AM when Mom comes in I've dealt with several unruly customers, answered the phone more times than I can count (my phone recorded 20 calls in 30 minutes one day) and still managed to maintain a more or less bright outlook. Once Mom arrives...That exterior flies right out the window. One of the problems is that Mom doesn't answer the phone; she sits there, doing God-knows-what (although she claims she is doing financing) barking orders at me while I'm scrambling for the phone, to help customers, to get my own work done - Basically to maintain my own sanity. The little trinkets that Brian encouraged me to bring to work to make my desk more friendly do absolutely nothing. My poor monk, meant to carry the stresses and strains of my day on his broad shoulders, can't do much for the stress this workplace generates.

I've never worked in a more stressful environment that is only compounded by my Mother's approach to stress (sharing it) and work ( as frantically as possible). No wonder Tracey, the previous secretary, was as manic and abrasive as she was as the day wore on. Tracey says that "that is just her (Mom) way." Well, her way sucks!

But, it's not just her: Customers, too, can be unruly, argumentative, superior, rude, stand-offish and demanding. It's no wonder that I've been coming to work later and later as the weeks were on (counted in minutes, not hours). Subconsciously, my ID is grabbing every available handhold on my way to work to keep me form getting here.

*sigh*